Week 7 The time of the doves
Hi, everyone. Welcome to my week 7 blog! I read this novel during the reading break and have many thoughts to share with you.
The novel "The Time of the Doves" is written by Mercè Rodoreda. I think this book gave me a depressing feeling, and I thought Quimet and Natalia's marriage was doomed to be a mistake from the beginning. I didn't feel that Quimet had a strong love for Natalia; on the contrary, I felt that Quimet wanted Natalia to be obedient to him. Before they got married, Quimet had been extremely angry when Natalia went out for a walk with another man, demanding that she beg for his forgiveness. This makes me feel that Quimet never really loved Natalia from the beginning, but tried to control her, restrict her and possess her. This is a relationship that I cannot accept, but I can also understand why Natalia chose to marry Quimet. Part of the reason should be because of the death of her mother. In the book, Natalia mentioned that her mother never talked to her about men, and in her memory, her parents often argued. So Natalia couldn't judge what love should be like, nor could she judge whether Quimet was truly a suitable partner for marriage. Furthermore, at that time, Senyora Enriqueta also told her, 'I think you're sensible to get married young. You need a husband and a roof over your head.' I think this was also a key factor in pushing her and Quimet together because, without her mother's advice, she might have been inclined to trust the advice of an older woman she was familiar with.
When I was reading the novel, it also reminded me of the word "PUA" which was very popular on the Internet. I think some of the actions Quimet did towards Natalia were "PUA". "PUA" generally refers to the use of language and behavior by men to suppress women during interactions, making the women feel inadequate and gradually compliant to the men. I think Quimet's behavior towards Natalia can be classified as "PUA". For instance, he wanted Natalia to quit her job because he felt someone was constantly staring at her buttocks in the store, without even considering Natalia's opinion. Moreover, when he saw Natalia going for a walk with another man, he immediately assumed Natalia was betraying him and demanded an apology from her, even though Natalia didn't have such intentions. He insisted that Natalia must feel guilty. This type of relationship is clearly unequal. However, in today's society, many women continue such unequal relationships due to various factors that prevent them from realizing their unequal status.
Question: What do you think a normal relationship looks like? Have you ever heard the term "PUA" before?
Thanks for viewing my blog, look forward to your comments!
Yes, I like the idea of Quimet as a "Pick-Up Artist." (In comments on other blogs, I've been calling him a "charmer," but that's not so far different.) But it's worth noting that some of those PUA techniques (as far as I understand it) actually work: it's not that Natalia is particularly stupid; she's actually intrigued and excited by this strange new guy, and even after he's dead she misses him.
ReplyDeleteBut as for your question about what "a normal relationship looks like," I definitely don't think that her second marriage, to Antoni, is any more normal. If anything, less, as he himself points out: he's unable to be a conventional husband, most probably (it's implied) because he is unable to have "normal" sex. Their relationship is strange. But ultimately it's also satisfying.
Hi Xinrui, I think a normal relationship should be based on mutual respect, trust and shared values, where this was clearly not the case for Natalia. As for PUA I have heard of this before and I find it very intresting since this didn't really come across my mind as I was reading the book but this was pretty much exactly what Quimet was doing where he uses such techniques to manipulate and control his partner.
ReplyDeleteHi Xinrui, I enjoyed reading your post. I haven't heard of the PUA acronym before but I am familiar with the term pick-up artist. From reading your post it seems that the two terms don't necessarily mean the same thing. In my mind pick-up artists aren't seeking long term relationships like Quimet is in this book, but I think the description you gave of PUA definitely fits Quimet.
ReplyDeleteHi Xinrui! I believe a normal relationship should be 50/50. They should be able to communicate their problems and have mutual respect for one another. I think Antoni was able to show Natalia how a normal relationship sort of looks like as he's able to provide comfort to her during such a tough time in their lives. Surprisingly, I haven't heard of the term PUA before.
ReplyDelete